You Can't Make Money On

People Say History Was Written By The Winners. No, It Wasn't. It Was Written By The Bullies.

The Earth Is A Used Kleenex On The Universe's Nightstand.

My Stand-up Act? I Combine The Fact That The World Is A Violent Place With The Fact That Each Person Is Responsible For The Situation They Are In.

That’s The Beauty Of Being A Comedian: It’s The One Job You’re Allowed To Do That. We’re Lucky. We’re Really Lucky.

I Think Everyone Should Own Six Guns, Even Though I Don't Own Any.