Yeah, I Am A Character

How Did We Get To The Point Where We're Paying For Bottled Water? That Must Have Been Some Weird Marketing Meeting Over In France. Some French Guy's Sitting There, Like, "how Dumb Do I Think The Americans Are? I Bet You We Could Sell Those Idiots Water."

My Favorite Vegetable Is The Marshmallow.

I've Never Tried Fatback. Probably 'cause It's Called Fatback. I Don't Know Which Word Creeps Me Out More: Fat Or Back. Why Don't They Just Throw In "hairy" While They're At It? "this Is Some Delicious Hairy Fatback."

"entertainers Of Faith," Funnyman Jim Gaffigan Isn't Ashamed Of His Catholicism. He's Seen Here Leaving A New York Comedy Club With His Bible In Hand.

Stand-up Is An Amazing Art Form, I Think, Because It's All About You Having Complete Control Of The Situation, But Absolutely None.