[writing A Joke] There Is

With More And More States Legalizing Marijuana, Companies Are Lining Up To Create The First Marijuana Breathalyzer. Officials Say The Toughest Part Is Getting Stoners To Stop Trying To Inhale Off The Breathalyzer.

Marco Rubio's Presidential Campaign Has Raised $40 Million In The Last Week. When He Heard That, Rubio Said, 'hey, Any Chance I Can Drop Out Of The Race And Just Keep The 40 Million?'

Politics Is Pop. Our Job As Comedians - Especially Me, As A Late-night Talk Show, Which Is A Broader Audience - Is To Amplify What We Think America Is Thinking.

The One Thing You Shouldn't Do Is Try To Tell A Cab Driver How To Get Somewhere.

Donald Trump Told Abc News That If He Had Oprah As A Running Mate, They Could Easily Win. Although You Know Who'd Definitely Win? Oprah Without Donald Trump.