Without Valentine's Day, February Would

I Feel Like, Even In This Crazy World Of Trump Getting Elected And These Things That Really Kind Of Caught Me Off-guard, I Feel Like I Understand Less Than I Did.

I've Never Eaten A Hot Pocket And Then Afterwards Been, I'm Glad I Ate That. I'm Always Like, I'm Gonna Die.

Television's Very Much A Writer's Medium, As It Probably Should Be, But If You're Not The Writer, Then As The Performer, You Defer To That. It's Just Kind Of How It's Constructed. Is There Some Leeway? Yeah. But I Also Don't Want To Come Across As A Jerk.

I Initially Signed Up For Twitter Just To Do Jokes I Wasn't Going To Do In My Stand-up Routine.

I Just Want To Be Known As Funny.