While There's No 'i' In

President Bush Says In The Last Month He Has Created 300,000 New Jobs. Yeah, They're Called Kerry Campaign Workers.

New Rumors That Saddam Hussein Is Planning To Flee To A Castle In Libya With 10 Billion Dollars. Now President Bush Doesn't Know Whether To Nuke Him Or Give Him A Tax Cut.

The Election Is In Full-swing. Republicans Have Taken Out Round-the-clock Ads Promoting George Bush. Don't We Already Have That? It's Called Fox News.

A Study Shows Breast Implants Can Cause Nausea And Dizziness... From All The Free Drinks.

Our Top Story, In 'threat Matrix Reloaded' News ... Attorney General John Ashcroft And Fbi Director Robert Muller Held A Press Conference Today To Announce That Al Qaeda Is Planning Attacks Somewhere Inside The United States At Sometime In The Future. So Go About Your Normal Lives, But With A Vague Sense Of Foreboding.