Whenever I Meet A Pretty

Halloween Is Just A Made Up Holiday, Created By The Razor Blade Industry.

It's Always Difficult When Someone Close To You Passes Away. But It's Really Tough When They're On Top Of You.

My Girlfriend Is Jewish. But It's Easier To Buy Her A Christmas Present And Then Break It Into 8 Pieces.

Usually The Beginning Of A Story That People Hear A Lot. For Example, "my Girlfriend Is Upset About Her New Haircut" Or "my Dad Keeps Losing His Car Keys." And Then I Just Think Of Different Ways The Story Could End. "my Girlfriend Is Upset About Her New Haircut. I Don't Understand Why She's Crying. I'm The One Who Has To Get A New Girlfriend." Then I Try It Out On Stage. I Don't Do A Lot Of Re-writing. My Jokes Either Work Or They Don't. The Trick Is Just To Write A Ton Of Jokes.

I Know Her In The Biblical Senseand When I Say That, I Mean I Don't Believe A Word She Says.