When Your Mother Starts Using

Jerry Falwell Says That Abortion And Homosexuality Are Sins. Oh Yeah? Well, So Is Gluttony, Jerry. So Maybe You Should Think About Dropping 50 Pounds.

If I Had Wanted To Ice The Little Toad, I Would Have Done It A Long Time Ago.

Then People Ask Me If I'm Worried About The Effects Of Global Warming On My Kids. Well, Obviously I Love My Kids And I Want Them To Live To Be A 100. So That's Another 1.8. My Kids' Kids? Three Point Six. I'll Just Tell Them We Moved To Phoenix.

I Think The American Legal System Sucks Worse Than A Celine Dion Cover Version Of Whole Lotta Love.

I Would Call The French Scumbags, But That, Of Course, Would Be A Disservice To Bags Filled With Scum. I Say We Invade Iraq, Then Invade Chirac.