When You Have A Baby,

Police In Texas Arrested A Man Who Was Using The Alias 'barack Obama' While Trying To Steal Money From 35 Atms. They Could Tell Something Was Up When A Guy Named Barack Obama Was Trying To Take Money From Banks Instead Of Giving It To Them.

After Donald Trump Wrote Lindsey Graham's Cellphone Number On A Piece Of Paper And Showed It To Everybody, Graham Said He's Getting A New Phone. Which Explains Lindsey Graham's Latest Campaign Slogan, 'new Phone, Who Dis?'

President Obama Is Getting A New Limousine That Will Have Advanced Night-vision Capabilities. The Technology Even Has A Cool Name ... Headlights.

As You Can Imagine, With Hillary Clinton Being Here, Security Is Very Tight. The Secret Service Has Been Here All Day Sweeping The Halls, The Offices, The Hard Drives... It's Tight.

While He Was In Utah, Obama Discussed Immigration Reform With Leaders Of The Mormon Church. Obama Introduced The First Lady. Then The Church's President Introduced His First Lady. And His Second Lady. And His Third, Fourth, And Fifth Ladies.