When Those Waiters Ask Me

Numbers Are The Most Certain Things We Have.

If You Get Murdered Because You Go On A Date With Someone You Met On The Internet, You Probably Deserved It.

Let's Face It, Though, Anything That's Apt To Happen To An Appliance Like A Blender Isn't Covered By The Warranty Anyway, So I Never Send Them In. If It Breaks, I'll Buy A New One. That's The American Way.

It's Ridiculous For A Country To Get All Worked Up About A Game—except The Super Bowl, Of Course. Now That's Important.

The Super Bowl Isn't For Kids, I Had A Great Time Though And It Was Worth Every Nickel Of It Because By Doing This Lame Piece About The Game I Can Put It On My Expense Account.