When I Used To Gamble,

After All These Years, It's Still Embarrassing For Me To Play On The American Golf Tour. Like The Time I Asked My Caddie For A Sand Wedge And He Came Back Ten Minutes Later With A Ham On Rye.

They Claim Red Meat Is Bad For You. But I Never Saw A Sick-looking Tiger.

If You Buy A Book On Golf Instruction Buy The Thinnest Book You Can Find. The Thinner The Book, Chances Are The Easier And More Elementary The Instruction. It Can Do One Of Two Things: Help You More Or Hurt You Less. Both Are Good Compared To The Alternative.

I Read The Greens In Spanish, But I Putt In English.

The First Time I Played The Masters, I Was So Nervous I Drank A Bottle Of Rum Before I Teed Off. I Shot The Happiest 83 Of My Life.