When I Told My Wife

She Was So Fat That Her Clothes Are Made By Omar The Tent Maker.

Never Guess Your Wife's Size. Just Buy Anything Marked Petite And Hold On To The Receipt.

When My Parents Got Divorced, There Was A Custody Fight Over Me. ... And No One Showed Up.

You Wanna Have Laughs? Do What I Do. When I Go Through A Tollbooth, I Keep Going. I Tell The Guy, The Car Behind Me Is Paying For Two.

I Was So Ugly My Parents Had To Hang A Pork Chop Around My Neck To Get The Dog To Play With Me.