She Was So Fat That

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. My Mother Breast Fed Me Through A Straw.

Last Time I Tried To Make Love To My Wife Nothing Happened, So I Said To Her, 'what's The Matter, You Can't Think Of Anybody Either?'

It's Great To Have Gray Hair. Ask Anyone Who's Bald.

I'm A Downer. I've Been Depressed My Whole Life. Figure It Out.

My Boy Is A Mean Kid. I Came Home The Other Day And Saw Him Taping Worms To The Sidewalk, He Sits There And Watches The Birds Get Hernias. Well, Only Last Christmas I Gave Him A B-b Gun And He Gave Me A Sweatshirt With A Bulls-eye On The Back. I Told My Kids, "someday, You'll Have Kids Of Your Own." One Of Them Said, "so Will You."