When I Stub My Toe

The Shortest Distance Between Two Idiots Is A Conga Line.

If I Had A Bookstore I Would Make All The Mystery Novels Hard To Find.

If You Are Trying To Impress A Woman, Leave Any Sort Of Show Farting Out Of The Equation.

I Do Come Across People Who Don't Like Me, Don't Like My Comedy, Don't Think It's Funny, It's Too Cutesy, Or Whatever They Hate. And It's Like, "okay. That's Your Opinion. Somebody Liked It, So That's Good." Hopefully It Balances Out.

I Am What I Eat. And I Am This Especially When I Bite My Nails.