Whatever You Have Read I

[to The Critic Who Wrote A Negative Review:] I Am Sitting In The Smallest Room Of The House. Your Review Is Before Me. Soon It Will Be Behind Me.

Here's A Rule I Recommend: Never Practice Two Vices At Once.

(on Seeing A Former Lover For The First Time In Years) I Thought I Told You To Wait In The Car.

I've Had A Man And I've Had A Woman, And There's Got To Be Something Better.

Whatever You Have Read I Have Said Is Almost Certainly Untrue, Except If It Is Funny, In Which Case I Definitely Said It.