Use A Screwdriver Instead Of

Electricity Can Be Dangerous. My Nephew Tried To Stick A Penny Into A Plug. Whoever Said A Penny Doesn't Go Far Didn't See Him Shoot Across That Floor. I Told Him He Was Grounded.

The World's A Mean Place. It's Unfair, Then It's Fair. It's Hateful, Then It's Loving. It's A Very Peculiar Place On Philosophical And Metaphysical And Religious Levels.

I Had A Very Easy Time Loving An Audience. But When It's One-on-one With Somebody, All I Wanted To Do Was Run Away, Because Maybe They're Going To Want Something From Me I Can't Give, Or They're Going To Hurt Me.

Comedy Is The Ultimate Anarchist.

Men Are Pigs. Too Bad We Own Everything.