[to The Critic Who Wrote

Working On Television Is Like Being Shot Out Of A Cannon. They Cram You All Up With Rehearsals, Then Someone Lights A Fuse And - .bang! - There You Are In Someone's Living Room.

I've Tried Several Varieties Of Sex. The Conventional Position Makes Me Claustrophobic, And The Others Either Give Me A Stiff Neck Or Lockjaw.

I'll Come And Make Love To You At Five O'clock. If I'm Late, Start Without Me.

Fill What Is Empty, Empty What Is Full, And Scratch Where It Itches.

I'm Not At My Best When I Moralize Or Philosophize. Logic Is Elusive, Especially To One Who So Rarely Uses It.