This Is So Weird. I

Critics Say Arnold Has No Previous Government Experience, But Advisers Say He's Clearly The Most Qualified Austrian, Ex-mr. Universe In The Race.

People Here In Los Angeles Are Disgusted Now About A Sex Scandal Involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently For Seven Years, He Carried On A Sexual Relationship With His Own Wife.

President Bush Has Delivered A New Resolution To The U.n. Saying That Saddam Has Failed To Cooperate With U.n. Resolutions, Freeing Us To Get Our War On. Don't Mess With Us France, Or We'll Send Jerry Lewis To Iraq As A Human Shield.

As The Democrats Get Revved Up At Their Convention In Boston, President Bush Is Fighting Back The Only Way He Knows How: By Going On Vacation! Ah, It's Nice To Take A Rest, Replenish Your Supply Of Smirks. The Vacation Was Expected, Because Bush Traditionally Takes A Month Off Every Summer To Relax And Avoid Reading National Security Warnings.

Larry Flynt, Running For Governor Of California. His Goal - Change Our State Bird To The Spread Eagle.