There Isn't A Problem On

There Isn't Any New Man. The New Man Is The Old Man, Only He Whines More.

My Parents ... Had Decided Early On That All Of The Problems In My Family Had Somehow To Do With Me. All Roads Led To Roseyville, A Messy, Chaotic Town Where, As Parents, They Were Required To Visit, But Could Never Get Out Of Quick Enough Or Find A Decent Parking Place.

I Don't Really Want To Hang Out With Politicians. I'd Rather Go Straight To Hell, And Not Collect $200.

When I Was Three, I Fell And I Got Bell's Palsy In My Face. My Mom Said The First Day She Called The Rabbi, And He Said A Prayer For Me But Nothing Happened. The Second Day She Called The Mormons, And They Said A Prayer For Me And My Face Was Healed, So My Whole Life Was Going Around As A Jew Who Was Giving Talks In Mormon Churches About Being Healed By The Mormons.

I'm Not Upset About My Divorce. I'm Only Upset That I'm Not A Widow.