The Closest Thing To Roseanne

Who Cares What Entertainers On The Air Think About International Affairs? Who Would Want To Hear Me About Vietnam? They Can Hear All They Want From People With Reason To Be Respected As Knowledgeable.

I Can't Go Anywhere Without Being Bugged By Somebody. I'd Love To Just Hike Out Down The Street, Or Drop In A Restaurant, Or Wander In The Park, Or Take My Kids Somewhere Without Collecting A Trail Of People. But I Can't.

There's Only One Critic Whose Opinion I Really Value, In The Final Analysis: Johnny Carson. I Have Never Needed Any Entourage Standing Around Bolstering My Ego. I'm Secure. I Know Exactly Who And What I Am. I Don't Need To Be Told. I Make No Apologies For Being The Way I Am.

Everybody I Meet In Public Seems To Want To Audition For Me. If I Ask A Guy What Time It Is, He'll Sing It To Me.

According To Statistics, It's A Lot Easier To Get Hit By Lightning Than To Win A Lotto Jackpot. The Good Side: You Don't Hear From Your Relatives.