Stand-up Is The Only Thing

A Father And Two Sons Run Adelphia. It's A Cable Company. And They Took From That Company A Billion Dollars. A Billion. Three People - Three People Took A Billion Dollars. What Were They Gonna Do, Start Their Own Space Program? 'let's Send The Monkey To Mars, Dad!'

Writing Is Thinking And Thinking Is Hard Work.

Christians Have Created A Holiday That Has Become A Beast That Cannot Be Fed. Christmas Gets Longer And Longer And Longer, And You Don't Care, Do You? You Just Take More And More Of The Calendar For Yourself. It's Unbelievable. How Long Does It Take You People To Shop? It's Beyond Belief. It's Insane. When I Was A Kid, Halloween Was Halloween, And Santa Wasn't Poking His Ass Into It.

I Do Not Make Jokes About Sarah Palin Simply Because I Could Not Live In This World If I Believed She Was A Real Person.

If The People Of New Zealand Want To Be Part Of Our World, I Believe They Should Hop Off Their Islands, And Push 'em Closer.