Southerners Are So Devoted To

We Worship Education But Hate Learning. We Worship Success But Hate The Successful. We Worship Fame But Hate The Famous.

Americans Worship Creativity The Way They Worship Physical Beauty - As A Way Of Enjoying Elitism Without Guilt: God Did It.

We Want A President Who Is As Much Like An American Tourist As Possible. Someone With The Same Goofy Grin, The Same Innocent Intentions, The Same Naive Trust; A President With No Conception Of Foreign Policy And No Discernible Connection To The U.s. Government, Whose Nice Guyism Will Narrow The Gap Between The U.s. And Us Until Nobody Can Tell The Difference.

Southerners Have A Genius For Psychological Alchemy...if Something Intolerable Simply Cannot Be Changed, Driven Away Or Shot They Will Not Only Tolerate It But Take Pride In It As Well.

America Is The Only Country In The World Where You Can Suffer Culture Shock Without Leaving Home.