Sometimes I Wonder How I

I Am A Quick Study - I Can Memorize A Script In An Hour - But I Can't Remember A Name Three Seconds. I've Even Forgotten My Wife's Name On Occasion.

Sometimes I Wonder How I Got Into Comedy At All.

I've Been Paying Alimony Since I Was 14 And Child Support Since 15. That's A Joke, But Not By Much

I Was Married Awfully Young And I Felt Trapped. My Wife Had Been Divorced And All The Time We Were Married We Were Out Of The Church. It Wasn't Until We Were Divorced That We Became Good Catholics Again.

I Had A Wonderful Experience On The Golf Course Today. I Had A Hole In Nothing. Missed The Ball And Sank The Divot.