Seventy Years Of Ad-lib Material,

I Have The Perfect Simplified Tax Form For Government. Why Don't They Just Print Our Money With A Return Address On It?

As The Colonel And I Sat Swapping Stories In The Plane, A Jet Aircraft Buzzed Past Our Window. I Asked The Colonel What Type Of Aircraft It Was, And He Said, "don't Worry About It, Bob. . . If You Can See It, It's Obsolete."

The Help (in Japan) Is Very Polite. They Bow So Much, You Don't Know Which End To Talk To.

There's A Very Apt Saying In Show Business: "if You Don't Go Over Budget In Paris, You're Either Very Rich Or Very Sick. "

I'm So Old They've Cancelled My Blood Type.