Sarah Palin Is Latina. Pay-leen.

Tied One On Last Night. Not Feeling Great This Morning. I Was Trying To Sleep It Off, Unfortunately, It Was On The Casino Floor.

At The Factory, I Deal With Ex-cons, Substance Abusers, And Sexual Harassers. And I'm Not Just Talking About My Mom.

The Jewelry Stores Say, 'tell Your Wife You Love Her With A Diamond,' While Wives Tell You They Love You With, 'ok, But Just Because It's Valentine's Day.'

Look, I Made A Commitment To Corn 17 Years Ago. Sure, I'm A Man. I Like To Go To A Barbecue And See Beans That I Like: Baked Beans, Red Beans, Black Beans, Big Plump Garbanzos. But In The End, I Always Come Home To My Sweet, Sweet Corn.

I Think It's Easier For African American And White Comics To Be Praised Than It Is Latinos Because They Think Our Culture Or Our Humor Is Substandard. I Mean, I Just Don't Think They Want To Give Us Credit. I Just Don't Think That They See Us As Important Enough To Be At Their Level. I'm The Longest-produced Comedy At Warner Bros. And I Don't Feel Special. They Come Over And Say Hello. But Everybody's Gonna Make A Lot Of Money And I Don't Feel Like I'm Special To Them.