Rick Santorum Is So Conservative;

When A Candidate Walks Away From A Reality Show, That's When You Know They're Serious About Being President Of The United States.

I Was Going To Start Off Tonight With An Obama Joke But I Don't Want To Get Audited By The Irs.

I Saw Something Stupid In The Paper Today - A New Alarm Clock That Makes No Noise. It's For People Who Don't Like Loud Noises. Instead, It Slowly Hits You With Light And Gets Brighter And Brighter Until You Wake Up. I Already Have One Of Those... It's Called A Window.

Another Air Traffic Controller Fell Asleep On The Job, But He Had A Good Excuse. He Was Watching President Obama’s Deficit Speech.

China Is Now Expected To Surpass Japan As The 2nd Richest Country In The World. They Could Become The Richest, But That's Only If We Pay Them The Money We Owe Them, And That's Not Going To Happen.