Please Call Your Second Witness,

I Was A Bookworm. Every Week I'd Go To The Library And Get Seven Books. Remember Libraries? I Wonder If People Still Go. And I Learned About Everything From The Library. I Came From A Scottish Family. Old School.

This Just In: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

Many People Think It's In Bad Taste To Advertise For An Insane Asylum... But Come On Down. We're Going Crazy.

Give Me Liberty! Or A Bran Muffin!

Our Top Story Tonight: Famous Tv Dolphin Flipper Was Arrested Today On Prostitution Ring Charges. He Allegedly Was Seen Transporting Two 16 Year Olds Across State Line For Immoral Porpoises.