Planet Earth Thought It Had

The Problem Is That Television Executives Have Got It Into Their Heads That If One Presenter On A Show Is A Blonde-haired, Blue-eyed Heterosexual Boy, The Other Must Be A Black Muslim Lesbian.

Unlike Furious Thin-lipped Feminists, I Tend Not To Draw Distinctions Between Men And Women, Apart From In Bed Where You Really Do Need To Spot The Difference.

I Don't Often Agree With The Rspca As I Believe It Is An Animal's Duty To Be On My Plate At Supper Time.

I'm Having A Nice Cold Pint And Waiting For This To Blow Over.

Ambition Is A Very Dangerous Thing Because Either You Achieve It And Your Life Ends Prematurely, Or You Don't, In Which Case Your Life Is A Constant Source Of Disappointment. You Must Never Have Ambition.