Pacifism Is A Nice Idea

If There Were Only One Cherry Pie In The World, And Bill Clinton Owned It, I Might Get A Piece Of It. If Bush Or Reagan Owned It, You'd Have To Kill Them To Get A Piece Of Pie. That's My Feeling About Bill. And Bill's A Good Bullshitter. America Likes A Good Bullshitter. That's One Of The Reasons He Was Re-elected. Honesty Has No Place In Politics. It Would Throw Everything Off.

Hey! Who Stole My Collection Of Used Bandages?! And They Also Got Away With My Nude Pictures Of Ernest Borgnine!

Regarding Jam Sessions: Jazz Musicians Are The Only Workers I Can Think Of Who Are Willing To Put In A Full Shift For Pay And Then Go Somewhere Else And Continue To Work For Free.

I Don't Like The Phrase Shock Value. Surprise Is Essential In Comedy, And If People Are Shocked By What I Consider Merely Surprising, Then That's Their Shock. But There Is No Joke Without Surprise.

I Never Worry That All Hell Will Break Loose. My Concern Is That Only Part Of Hell Will Break Loose And Be Much Harder To Detect.