Our Forefathers Made One Mistake.

No Other City In The U.s. Can Divest The Visitor Of So Much Money With So Little Enthusiasm. In Dallas, They Take Away With Gusto; In New Orleans, With A Bow; In San Francisco, With A Wink And A Grin. In New York, You're Lucky If You Get A Grunt.

It Is Now Proved Beyond Doubt That Smoking Is One Of The Leading Causes Of Statistics.

To Start With, There's The Alien Accent. "tree" Is The Number Between Two And Four. "jeintz" Is The Name Of The New York Professional Football Team. A "fit" Is A Bottle Measuring Seven Ounces Less Than A Quart. This Exotic Tongue Has No Relationship To Any Of The Approved Languages At The United Nations, And Is Only Slightly Less Difficult To Master Than Urdu.

Hollywood, To Hear Some Writers Tell It, Is The Place Where They Take An Author's Steak Tartare And Make Cheeseburger Out Of It. Upon Seeing The Film, They Say, The Author Promptly Cuts His Throat, Bleeding To Death In A Pool Of Money.

The Convention Is The Voice, The Bone And The Sinews Of A Political Party-and Sometimes It Even Nominates An Abraham Lincoln.