My Policy Is 'no Stone

99.99% Of All Castles In America Are Located In Fish Tanks.

I Walk Around And Think About Things. When I Come Across A Thought That Makes Me Laugh, I Write It Down. Then, At Night, I Say The Thought To People Through A Microphone. I Don't Think About Politics Or Pop Culture Very Much, So Those Thoughts Don't Often Make It To The Microphone.

Automatic Paper Towel Dispensers Are A Solution To Something That Was Never A Problem In The First Place.

To Some I Am Known As Chief. And These Are Usually People Who Work In Radio Shack Or Try To Sell Me Shoes. To Others I Am Known As Buddy. These Are People Who Dwell In Bars And Wonder If I’ve Got A Problem Or What It Is That I Am “looking At.” And To Still Others, Who Are In That Same Bar, Standing Just Off To The Side, I Am “get Him!"

I Have An Erratic Drummer For Anybody Who's Just Listening To This, He Can Keep Time, But Just In Spurts.