I Used To Play Sports.

If You Drink Enough Beer, Everything Turns In To A Bed.

The Shortest Distance Between Two Idiots Is A Conga Line.

When Telling A Story About How Wasted You Were Last Night, Stop.

Usually, I Walk Around And Think About Things. When I Come Across A Thought That Makes Me Laugh, I Write It Down.

It Is Illegal To Yell “fire” In A Crowded Theater. If There Is A Fire, Please Yell Something Else Instead, Like “flames!” Or “smoke Maker!” Or “bad Hot!