My Girlfriend Makes Me Want

I Think The Reason I Became Funny Was Because If I Made People Laugh, They Would Let Me Keep Talking.

I Got An Email From My Ex, Telling Me That She Has Aids. I Didn't Know How To Comfort Her, So I Just Wrote Back I Know.

Tom Cruise's Pre-nup Lets Him Keep His Money, The Kids And Katie Holmes.

Do Whatever You Want To Do, Whenever You Want To Do It

I Loved Stephen Wright, And I Loved Mitch Hedberg, But They Seemed Like Geniuses You Could Never Emulate. You'd Just Be Ripping Them Off.