My Father Gave Me A

If You Can't Write Your Own Material, You Have Very Little Chance Of Making It As A Comedian.

I Came From A Real Tough Neighborhood. Why, Every Time I Shut The Window I Hurt Somebody's Fingers.

When I Was A Kid, I Never Went To Disneyland. My Ol' Man Told Me Mickey Mouse Died In A Cancer Experiment.

Last Week I Was Walking By A Cemetery, Two Guys Came After Me With Shovels. It Was All About Money.

I Like To Date Schoolteachers. If You Do Something Wrong, They Make You Do It Over Again.