My Belt Holds My Pants

One Time I Was Forced To Go To The Doctors Because Of A Sports Accident. Herpes.

I Am Wearing A Vest. If I Had No Arms, It Would Be A Jacket.

I Saw A Lady On Tv, She Was Born Without Arms. That's Sad, But Then They Said, "lola Does Not Know The Meaning Of The Word 'can't'." That, To Me, Is Even Worse In A Way. Not Only Is She Missing Arms, But She Doesn't Understand Simple Contractions. It's Easy, Lola - You Just Take Two Words, Put Them Together, Take Out The Middle Letters, Put In A Comma, And You Raise It Up!

The Commercial For Diet Dr. Pepper Says It Tastes Just Like Regular Dr. Pepper. Well, Then They Screwed Up!

My Roommate Says, "i'm Going To Take A Shower And Shave. Does Anyone Need To Use The Bathroom?" It's Like Some Weird Quiz Where He Reveals The Answer First.