Men Hate To Lose. I

My Husband And I Are Either Going To Buy A Dog Or Have A Child. We Can't Decide Whether To Ruin Our Carpet Or Ruin Our Lives.

Men Love To Be The First To Read The Newspaper In The Morning. Not Being The First Is Upsetting To Their Psyches.

I Can See Close Up And My Husband Can See Far Away, So We're Covered. He Tells Me Who's In The Movie And I Tell Him What's In His Sandwich. Together We're Human Bifocals.

It Takes Six Months To Get Into Shape And Two Weeks To Get Out Of Shape. Once You Know This You Can Stop Being Angry About Other Things In Life And Only Be Angry About This.

I Got Kicked Out Of Ballet Class Because I Pulled A Groin Muscle. It Wasn't Mine.