Maybe I Fear Things Going

In My Local Newspaper, They Had This Advert: 'please Look After Your Neighbours In The Cold Weather'. I Live Next Door To This 84-year-old Woman, And Do You Know, Not Once Has She Come Round To See If I'm All Right. The Lazy Cow Hasn't Even Taken Her Milk In For A Fortnight.

I Love Mixing With Comedians When I'm Working With Them, But When I'm Not I Don't Feel The Need To Hang Around With Them.

The Rain Forest Has Sting. Now Siberia Has Jack Dee. Someone Had To Draw The Short Straw. In This Case It Was The Rain Forest.

People Who Are Pro Smacking Children Say, 'it's The Only Language They Understand.' You Could Apply That To Tourists.

I Was So Keen To Become A Comedian That Actually Doing The Comedy Itself Almost Came Second.