Married Men Live Longer Than

Thanksgiving Is An Emotional Holiday. People Travel Thousands Of Miles To Be With People They Only See Once A Year. And Then Discover Once A Year Is Way Too Often.

I Have An Ego Like Anybody Else, But I Don't Need To Be Stoked By Going Before The Public All The Time.

Americans, Too Many Of Them, Take Themselves Too Seriously. You're Going To Get Rapped - By The Viewers, By The Sponsors And By The Network Brass - If You Joke About Doctors, Lawyers, Dentists, Scientists, Bus Drivers, I Don't Care Who. You Can't Make A Joke About Catholics, Negroes, Jews, Italians, Politicians, Dogs Or Cats. In Fact, Politicians, Dogs And Cats Are The Most Sacred Institutions In America.

Despite The Fact That Computer Speeds Are Measured In Nanoseconds And Picoseconds - One Billionth And One Trillionth Of A Second, Respectively - The Smallest Interval Of Time Known To Man Is That Which Occurs In Manhattan Between The Traffic Signal Turning Green And The Taxi Driver Behind You Blowing His Horn.

George Burns Has Been On My Show Twenty Or Thirty Times, Or Maybe More. How Can You Turn Down A Guy That Age?