Live Every Day As If

The Only Mystery In Life Is Why The Kamikaze Pilots Wore Helmets.

I Went Into A Restaurant One Night And Ordered Lobster, And The Waiter Brought Me One With A Claw Missing. I Called Him Over And Told Him About It. He Told Me That In The Back There's A Tank They Keep The Lobsters In And While They're In There, They Fight And Sometimes One Loses A Claw. I Told Him 'then Bring Me A Winner.'

Live Every Day As If It Were Saturday Night.

When I'm Losing, They Call Me Nuts. When I'm Winning, They Call Me Eccentric.

You Can Always Tell The Catholic Schools By The Length Of The Cheerleaders' Skirts.