Life Is Tough, Then You

Comedy, I Figured, Was The Thing That Came To Me The Most Easily. Playing The Trumpet And Piano Took Practice. I Thought That Was A Waste Of Time. I'd Go Out On The Street Corner And Be Funny. In A Minute.

The Reason I Talk To Myself Is That I'm The Only One Whose Answers I Accept.

When You're Born You Get A Ticket To The Freak Show. When You're Born In America, You Get A Front Row Seat.

People Say Life Begins At Conception, I Say Life Began About A Billion Years Ago And It's A Continuous Process.

Hard Work Is A Misleading Term. Physical Effort & Long Hours Do Not Constitute Hard Work. Hard Work Is When Someone Pays You To Do Something You'd Rather Not Be Doing. Anytime You'd Rather Be Doing Something Other Than The Thing You're Doing...you're Doing Hard Work.