Life Is A Matter Of

I Have Learned From My Mistakes, And I Am Sure I Can Repeat Them Exactly

I Saw An Advertisement The Other Day For The Secret Of Life. It Said "the Secret Of Life Can Be Yours For Twenty-five Shillings. Sent To Secret Of Life Institute, Willesden." So I Wrote Away, Seemed A Good Bargain, Secret Of Life, Twenty-five Shillings. And I Got A Letter Back Saying, "if You Think You Can Get The Secret Of Life For Twenty-five Shillings, You Don't Deserve To Have It. Send Fifty Shillings For The Secret Of Life."

I Am Blind -- But I Am Able To Read Thanks To A Wonderful New System Known As 'broil' . . . I'm Sorry, I'll Just Feel That Again.

All In All I'd Rather Have Been A Judge Than A Miner. And What's More, Being A Miner, As Soon As You Are Too Old And Tired And Sick And Stupid To Do The Job Properly, You Have To Go. Well, The Very Opposite Applies With Judges. *

Everything I've Ever Told You, Including This, Is A Lie.