Let No Man's Deathbed Be

I Travel Alone So Much, And The First Thought Is To Grab The Damn Phone. In Airports, Just Look Around. Nobody Looks At Anybody, Or Even Out The Window. It's Obvious We Can't Live Without It Anymore, And As A Comic On The Road The Phone Is An Essential Tool. It's Probably Doing More Good Than Bad For Me, But It Does Make Me Sad That Those Of Us Who Grew Up Without Mobile Phones, We Know What We're Missing.

I Never Give Anyone Just One Congratulation. Congratulations Are Always Plural. They Are Similar To Grapes.

I Think A Lot Of Stuff I Find Funny Is From Day Dreaming.

I Am A Comedian But It's Usually Not A Compliment To Be Called A Prop Comedian But I Guess I Sometimes Use Props. And I Always Confuse Humorist With Comedian. That's Strange.

I Was Walking In The Park And This Guy Waved At Me. Then He Said, 'i'm Sorry, I Thought You Were Someone Else.' I Said, 'i Am.'