John Kerry Will Undergo Surgery

George W. Bush Even Stopped In Pennsylvania To Try His Hand At The Lotto And Gave Up When He Could Only Think Of The Numbers 4 And 17

Hillary Clinton's 506-page Memoir Has Come Out. So Much Of Her Personality Shines Through, That In The End, You, Too, Will Want To Sleep With An Intern.

California's Economy Is Declining So Rapidly That Candidates Are Asking 'are You Better Off Now Then You Were Four Minutes Ago?'

Our Top Story, In 'threat Matrix Reloaded' News ... Attorney General John Ashcroft And Fbi Director Robert Muller Held A Press Conference Today To Announce That Al Qaeda Is Planning Attacks Somewhere Inside The United States At Sometime In The Future. So Go About Your Normal Lives, But With A Vague Sense Of Foreboding.

There Are 300,000 New Jobs And Bush Said He's Confused, 'can I Take Credit For Good News That I Didn't Even Make Up?'