I've Decided That Perhaps I'm

The Definition Of Adulthood Is That You Want To Sleep.

I Have Terrible Short-term Memory Loss, Which I Like To Think Of As Presidential Eligibility.

It Is The Best Part Of The Night. The Classic Interactive Lines Are 'where Are You From? What Do You Do For A Living?' I Almost Always Get Something Interesting.

My Act Is Sort Of Improvisational. I Have A Skeleton In My Head, But No Fat Or Skin On It.

I've Always Thought That If My Death Was Imminent, I Would Read. When I Can't Focus On A Book, I Tend To Keep Reading The Same Page. My Guess Is, I Would've Read, Like The First Page Of Nicholas Nickleby Over And Over Again.