It's A Book. It's Mine.

Everything Went Smoothly At The Sailing Events Today, Except For The British Team. They Forgot To Bring Limes And They All Got Scurvy.

I Hated The Summer Jobs I Had When I Was A Teenager. They Were So Mundane And Repetitious, They Deadened My Soul. On The Bright Side, It Was Good Training For This Job.

A New York City Judge Struck Down A Proposed Law To Ban Sodas Larger Than 16 Ounces. I Think Mayor Bloomberg Should Spend His Time Trying To Improve Stuff Like Education. New York Needs A Better Education System If Kids Didn't Figure Out They Could Get Around The 16-ounce Soda Ban By Simply Purchasing Two 12-ounce Sodas.

When I Stopped Drinking, It Was Only Because I Thought If I Don't Stop, I'm Going To Die.

Justin Bieber's Tour Bus Was Stopped By Canadian Border Patrol Agents. And They Found Marijuana. The Agents Said Bieber Was A Disgrace To Canada And Should Never Come Back. Then They Found The Marijuana.