It's Hard For Me Not

The Only Women I Publicly Date Are Those Who Have A Higher Imdb Rating Than Me.

When I Was Told They Wanted The Show To Be About Doctors, I Was A Bit Reluctant To Sign On, You Know? I Thought, Why Have A Show About Doctors When We Could Have A Show About The Real Heroes, You Know, Like Me?

My Co-stars Aren't Bad Actors, But They're No Zach Braff.

I Mean, So What If It's A Little Dangerous? A One-armed Kid Is Comedy Gold.

I'm Not Gay, But I'm Still The Kind Of Guy Where, Even Though You Have No Chance, They Still Want To Hang Around Me So You Can Get A Good Mental Image And Jerk Off To Me Later.