I'm Not Much Into Rear

I Am To Provide The Public With Beneficial Shocks.

For Me, The Cinema Is Not A Slice Of Life, But A Piece Of Cake.

I’ve Never Been Very Keen On Women Who Hang Their Sex Round Their Neck Like Baubles. I Think It Should Be Discovered. It’s More Interesting To Discover The Sex In A Woman Than It Is To Have It Thrown At You, Like A Marilyn Monroe Or Those Types. To Me They Are Rather Vulgar And Obvious.

These Are Bagpipes. I Understand The Inventor Of The Bagpipes Was Inspired When He Saw A Man Carrying An Indignant, Asthmatic Pig Under His Arm. Unfortunately, The Man-made Sound Never Equalled The Purity Of The Sound Achieved By The Pig.

I Try To Offset Any Tendency Towards The Macabre With Humour. As I See It, This Is A Typically English Form Of Humour. It's A Piece With Such Jokes As The One About The Man Who Was Being Led To The Gallows To Be Hanged. He Looked At The Trap Door In The Gallows, Which Was Flimsily Constructed, And He Asked In Some Alarm, 'i Say, Is That Thing Safe?