I'm Not A Great Joke

There Are Two Things I Know About Life... Only The Good Die Young But The Real Jerks Will Live Forever.

Now, They Say That New Zealand Is Beautiful And I Do Not Know -- Because After 22 Hours On A Plane Any Landmass Would Be Beautiful.

My Touring Has Never Stopped; From The Time I Started Doing Stand-up, I've Been On The Road.

I Like My Friends Because They Make Me Feel Normal, Even Though I'm Not.

Interesting Thing About Being Rich Is Once You Pay Your Taxes, You're Still Rich.