I'm Learning Cuban. It's Like

I'm Not Catholic, But I Gave Up Picking My Belly Button For Lint.

My Sister Just Had A Baby. We Can Have Company Over. She'll Be In Front Of Everyone With Her Um... Breast... Out Feeding It. You Know... Cereal Or Whatever.

My Sister Married A German. He Complained He Couldn't Get A Good Bagel Back Home. I Said: 'well, Whose Fault Is That?'

My Girlfriend Told Me That She Was Seeing Another Man. I Told Her To Rub Her Eyes.

I Asked The Head Musician If I Could Go Onstage During The Next Break And He Said Sure. I Got Two Laughs In Twenty Minutes, And Walked Out Feeling More Elated Than I Had Ever Felt In My Entire Life. The Glory Of That Triumph Contented Me For Two Full Years.