I'm Just An Obnoxious Guy

I'm Not An Alcoholic, I Only Drink Two Times A Year. When It's My Birthday, And When It's Not My Birthday.

I’ve Killed Myself So Many Times, I Don’t Even Exist Anymore.

And Even If We Win, If We Win, Hah! Even If We Win! Even If We Play So Far Above Our Heads That Our Noses Bleed For A Week To Ten Days; Even If God In Heaven Above Comes Down And Points His Hand At Our Side Of The Field; Even If Every Man Woman And Child Held Hands Together And Prayed For Us To Win, It Just Wouldn't Matter Because All The Really Good Looking Girls Would Still Go Out With The Guys From Mohawk Because They've Got All The Money! It Just Doesn't Matter If We Win Or We Lose. It Just Doesn't Matter! It Just Doesn't Matter! It Just Doesn't Matter!

While I Have Felt Lonely Many Times In My Life, The Oddest Feeling Of All Was After My Mother, Lucille, Died. My Father Had Already Died, But I Always Had Some Attachment To Our Big Family While She Was Alive. It Seems Strange To Say Now That I Felt So Lonely, Yet I Did.

All Of Us Kids Ended Up 'doing Mom.' There Are Four Of Us Who've Tried Show Business. Five If You Insist On Counting My Sister The Nun, Who Does Liturgical Dance.