I'm From Minnesota! I Used

I'm From Minnesota! I Used To Work Knuckleheads At The Mall Of America As A Stand-up. I Spent New Year's There Once. I'm Not Trying To Namedrop.

Look, You Know, You Can't Please Everybody. I'm A Stand-up Comic. I Know That. It Doesn't Matter How Funny You Are And How Well You Do, There's Two People That Are Going To Walk Out Of There Hating You.

I Always Like To Find Those Little Mom-and-pop Sandwich Places, Or Diners. Those Are My Favorite Kind Of Places.

Whenever I Realize I'm Being A Goofball, I Write It Down. When I Release The Joke Onstage, I Love Watching The Effect It Has On The Audience. No One Wants To See Someone Talk Who Takes Themselves Too Seriously.

You Know, I'm Playing The Mirage In Vegas, The Main Room... About 5 Percent Of All Comics End Up As The Main Headliner On The Vegas Strip, So That's A Big Deal For Me. Getting To Do My Stand-up The Way I Have This Summer Is Really What I've Dreamed Of Since I Was About 10 Years Old.